Wear It

Sometimes I hear or read a clever riff and wish that I could make my own T-shirts with phrases like the ones below:

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

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How about never? Is never good for you?

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I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

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 I’ll try being nicer, if you’ll try being smarter.

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I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

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It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

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I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

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You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

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I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a darn.

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I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

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I’ll always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

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Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

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Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

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What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

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I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

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Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

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No, my powers can only be used for good.

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You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.